A message to the little girl I never knew I needed.
WHAT I’M WEARING:
Dear Little Girl,
First of all – let me be honest and say I really wanted you to be a boy. Mommy has an older brother and loved the protection she received from him, so naturally she wanted you to have the same experience. Also, I was under this impression that little boys love their mommies more than little girls do. Now that I know you’re a girl, I realize that was pretty stupid for me to think that way. It is the Almighty God Who protects you, not me or some older brother. And besides, you will be obsessed with me just like I am obsessed with you- because I said so 🙂
You’re probably wondering why I’m writing an open letter to you. It isn’t like I don’t plan to speak to you daily; I have already been doing so since I found out you were a girl. But I want the world to know my intentions for you. And I want you to refer to this post often and be reminded of all that mommy wants for you. There is an African proverb that says “It takes a village to raise a child.” Unfortunately I don’t know the values and belief system of our future village so perhaps in reading this open letter, our village can aide in me raising you the way I prefer. Not BY THEIR STANDARDS, BUT BY MINE. After all , you’re my child, and I have to control what people teach you!
By the time you read this, the world will probably be more vain than it is now so please BRUSH your teeth twice a day. Nobody likes a smelly breath woman, and hardly anyone will be direct with you and tell you that your breath stinks. I want you to brush your teeth more often than mommy does because mommy doesn’t want to spend thousands of dollars at the dentist office like grandma had to do with mommy. Stay away from sweets and certainly never take any from strangers.
Be a woman of little words. Speak only when necessary and don’t form a habit of making too many friends. People will use your words against you and you must give an account of everything you say on this earth. The Bible says “Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. James 3:1” It is better to not have an opinion than to have one that people use against you. Don’t become a teacher or adviser too quickly. Don’t become a headquarter for gossip. I’d rather people assume you’re a woman of little words than a woman with much to say. NEVER defend yourself. Don’t even DEFEND the Gospel. The Gospel will defend ITSELF. You only need to share it. And before you speak, ask yourself, “Will my speech glorify God or glorify myself?” If the latter, simply shut up.
Be gentle and humble. You can only be both of these if you understand what it means to be gentle and humble. Never adopt the world’s definition of these two worlds. Gentleness and humility are defined in the Bible. And if you read the Bible’s definition, you will find it is completely contrary to the world’s definition. Humility doesn’t mean you’re a pushover. Gentleness doesn’t mean you cannot hold your own or form your own opinion. You can do all of these and more and still be humble and gentle. NEVER call yourself humble. The moment you do so, you fail to be humble. Let that be the testimony people have of you.
Don’t listen to anyone tell you that you’re not capable of doing something. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Philippians 4:13). Your ability to do something is connected to Jesus Christ. On your own, you are limited and weak. But as long as the Spirit of God lives in you, you can do far more than your little friends and age mates. Even though this is a fact, NEVER think you’re better than anyone. Always regard others as better than yourself. Never boast about any of your abilities. It is only by the Grace of God that you are who you are. So remember, don’t talk much.
Don’t let anyone force you to make a decision before you seek the will of God. Nothing is so dire it cannot wait until you hear from God. If the opportunity requires you to make one before you know God’s will, it isn’t an opportunity for you. If you go ahead of God, you will probably be ahead- for sure. But you’ll also be without God. And any location/opportunity without God present is not for you my dear.
Don’t waste money on dumb fashion trends. Always be a classic. It might not get you attention from the world, but it will always last longer than any stupid trend your friends participate in. There is a reason Chanel bags appreciate rather than depreciate. There is a reason Rolex watches hold its value regardless of age or style. The moment you figure out why these items appreciate instead of depreciate, you will understand Mommy’s advice.
Always dress modestly. If you’re blessed like mommy with a petite but curvy frame, make sure you cover it. If you’re going to wear body-con to church, you need a blazer or duster. But if given the option, always choose a-line over body con for church services. The house of the Lord is Holy. You also need to be Holy. Don’t overdo the makeup. God didn’t make you a clown and I am not raising one either.
You will not find your husband before 25 so don’t waste your time with these little boys. You may be wondering how I can be so sure that you won’t find Mr. Man before 25 so let me explain. Times have changed. Your generation probably cares less and less about marriage. There aren’t enough 25 year old boys who are mature enough to marry you so don’t even waste your time. You’re not hungry and you ain’t bored. Don’t spend hours on the phone or hours texting some random. If you’re his wife, he will pursue you and pursue me too. Because he has to go through me before he can get to you. Don’t ever give money to a man. Your father is rich and he never asked me for a single dollar. You cannot marry a man who is broke. May your husband be rich in spirit and in his finances.
Your hair and skin are beautiful and extremely unique. You were meant to stand out so please don’t conform by trying to look like your classmates or friends. Don’t let anyone touch your hair. It is your glory and it should not be tampered with. If they have any questions about your hair please refer them to Google. This is not HAIR 101 class. Use Jamaican black castor oil and prayer to grow your edges and nape. Trim your hair every three months and mind the business that pays you. Discern whoever does your hair before you sit in their chair. Do your own research and soak their hands in the blood of Jesus before they touch your hair.
Don’t ever altar your skin. Your beautiful dark complexion is as beautiful as the tents in Kedar (Song of Solomon 1:5). When you take a shower make sure you scrub the back of your neck, underarms, knees and feet very well. People often forget those places and if you’re dark skinned, those areas can get really dark and dry looking. When in doubt -Shea butter and African black soap will always look out for you. Products will come and go, but those two items will forever remain true. Drink a lot of water and practice proper hygiene.
Pray every single day. Pray in the name of Jesus Christ. He is your ONLY access to God. Never be afraid to call on His name. Study the Bible daily and go to church. You cannot only worship God in your house everyday. You have to worship Him among the brethren too. Be faithful with your tithes. If you get $100, take out $10 and give it God ASAP. Don’t delay before you are tempted to keep it. And if you really want to be blessed, pay your tithes on your gross, not your net. If the government taxes your gross, God can get 10% of your gross too.
Don’t let anyone in church share their secrets with you. You’re not the pastor, and you’re not God. It’s none of your business and you’re not qualified to speak on it, even if you think you are. If anyone is confused, refer them to the scriptures and intercede for them. Don’t offer your own opinions and don’t walk closely with anyone who talks about church members or clergy. Mind the business God gave you but still be kind.
When deciding on an initial meeting place, your house isn’t an option. Test every spirit before you welcome them into your home. In addition, their home isn’t an option either. Don’t sleep over anyone’s house and don’t eat just anyone’s food. The answer to everyone’s “are you hungry?” question is “No thank you.” You’re so precious and anointed so you will be a target. But as long as my prayers are going ahead of you, you will never be destroyed.
I am your best friend. Talk to me first before you ask your friends for advice. I’m always going to be smarter than you and carry more wisdom than you. I know more than your little friends and I have more than enough experience in the boy department to advise you accurately. I also have the Holy Spirit dwelling in me so I will teach you better than you can teach yourself. But don’t be ashamed to make mistakes. It is part of life. When you fall, get up quickly. Don’t dwell on how you fell, focus on what you will do moving forward to stand tall.
Don’t let anyone take you for an idiot, especially someone’s untrained son. If the guy is not saved and sanctified, he isn’t for you. You are not here to save your future husband from the gates of hell. That may be the testimony of others but that is not your portion. If he cannot lead you into heaven, lead you to become the 1% of population, AND lead you on the floor to PRAY, he aint for you. Move on baby girl.
Last but not least, don’t give out loans unless you wouldn’t mind it becoming a gift. If you are really looking forward to the person paying you back, you’re not in the position to lend anything. On the flip side, NEVER borrow from anyone. If you need something, ask me and daddy. Even if you think we will be mad at you, ask us anyway. I don’t want to ever hear anyone ever say my child owes them anything. I will personally beat you for borrowing money from someone. The only person you owe in this world is Jesus, and He even paid your debts for you.
Love you always and forever,